Does mine look normal?

Confidence Fraud and the invisible mark of success

Let's delve into some real talk. I’m going to speak openly and truthfully about battling my head funk. My hope is it will shine the light for others out there, who find themselves facing similar demons.

We all have invisible markers of where we think we should be, like an internal checklist. As we move along our timeline we tick things off and unconsciously move that marker. This is great as it means progression but can also feel like endless work if you're not one to acknowledge your achievements.

If I take a step back and reflect on what I have achieved, young me would be proud! Yet I still have this internal chime of “ it’s not enough” ringing through my head. Getting pregnant young and fighting not to conform to a certain demographic. Then building my business with no money and few resources, while raising two children has been one of the most challenging decisions of my life. I’ve constantly battled between fighting to build something I’m passionate about, verse conceding and “getting a real job”. I’ve decided that even if I did, I would still have some kind of side hustle; it’s a part of me, so I may as well keep going.

Creating a six-figure business seemed like the ultimate achievement “YES you made it!”. I didn't realise I had quietly traversed that mountain, now that I’m here I acknowledge while it’s a huge achievement, it hasn’t equated to the financial freedom that I have craved.

Designing a business with the mission statement of “Confidence starts here” is kind of comical as I feel like I’m constantly battling my self-esteem and self-worth.

I guess that makes me the best man for the job as I can coach and relate to our clientele more authentically.

There are two interesting and contrasting conversations I had last week that highlighted where the grey areas of my mindset reside.

One was with a teenage girl, we were chatting about school. She mentioned the subjects she was taking, to which I had no idea what she meant but went with it.

She asked “ Do you even know what they are”, I was taken aback. “ No I don’t, what are they?”

At that moment I could tell she thought I was a bimbo beauty therapist, when she realised I was the owner of the business her attitude slightly changed. I then explained to her how I got here.

The thing that triggered me was how her tone changed when she realised I have studied and I guess still look youngish plus owning an asset like a company and building made me sound more successful. Why did I need her to know this? Why should I care what her opinion of me was at that moment?

I don't know, but it was satisfying to prove my point even if she had no idea what the real battle was.

Your level of failure is someone else's success.

In contrast, I chatted with another client about business, mortgages etc. I mentioned how I felt like we had taken a huge step back as we were meant to have our mortgage paid off in 5 years and are now delayed after purchasing our commercial premises. Her mouth dropped, “ Babe, we won’t have ours paid off until we are in our 60s!” She said.

This shouldn’t and doesn’t shock me, I know I may sound like an asshole when people are working hard to simply put food on the table or get on the property ladder. It's the reality most people face but I guess it was an eye-opener that our bar is set so high right now. Perception is such an interesting thing, Some might look at us as being successful yet we are comparing certain elements of our lives to others; Financial freedom, career, travel, work status, and homes.

It's time to take a bloody chill pill and figure out which areas I can start relaxing the pedal a bit.

We have a plan, and I have a plan but we need to enjoy the journey along the way.

Extraordinary Studio has become the foundation for many friendships, fitness and skin journeys. I think of my business like a pot plant. My little seeds come in, we nurture them until they start to grow. Some will stay and flourish while others need to go off to bigger pastures. It used to hurt watching people leave after pouring so much of our time and energy into them, Now I've realised that means we have done our job! As long as we have behaved ethically and with integrity, we can farewell them wholeheartedly knowing we delivered what we promised.

I’ve spent a lot of time studying successful people in business, locally and abroad. I thrive off a good rag-to-riches business story and usually come to the same conclusion that I’m on the right path if I'm experiencing bouts of self-doubt, anxiety, imposter-syndrome mixed with fizzing excitement.

So if the lady who sells confidence feels like a fraud, how does she overcome it?

When I can reign in my attention span, (I'm a Pisces…enough said) these are the things that help keep me on track.

Routine- gives me a sense of structure to my day.
Endorphin hit- Working out with my buddies. There is a reason I started a group fitness business and it ain't all about the kickass workouts!
Listening to podcasts- DYFM is a great butt-kick podcast
Watching any self-development videos and blogs
Visuals- Making lists, vision boards
Music- Anything with strong women not putting up with shit. Lizzo.
Taking time to list off my achievements even if they weren't part of my original goals.
Networking- it can be helpful talking to other people in business (or whatever situation you are in) to gain inspiration and advice.
Mentor- Mentors are great to ask questions, push your mindset and boundaries, plus be a non-biased cheerleader on the sideline.

When you get up each day, painting a face of positivity and psyching yourself up, make sure you surround yourself with reminders of your purpose. You don't have to be perfect. You don't have to succeed every time. You just have to show up.

To me, confidence is showing up when all the odds were stacked against you, the biggest odd being your mind.